Day 39 - utterly failed

Twizzler, brownies, milk.

Need I say more?

Day 37, new goal

Well here I am at day 37 of my commitment to a new life style, and beginning week 4 of my low glyceminc, low animal fat, more exercise commitment. Hmmm.

I lost 7 lb. the first week, 0 the second week, and 0 the third week.

I have a theory.

I have been eating 75% better. I gotta bump it up. I have no wiggle room at this healing point in my life. Perhaps someday, I can fudge here and there (no pun intended), but now, I guess I cannot. Not one beer, not some pizza once a week, not not not.

I grumble a bit in my flesh, but my flesh has high insulin and high triglycerides and belly fat. So flesh, you gotta be quiet. It's time to bump it up a level and do better. My goal is not perfection, my goal is better. Do.Not.Fudge. Just for today. Lead me Lord away from the foods that harm me and guide me into your perfect peace knowing that I am changing for your glory.

PS - I can haz prayer?

Day 36

Same stuff different day of a new lifestyle! I would say I am 75% better than I was 36 days ago. I am eating greens every day, I am drinking no pop. I am drinking lots of water. I am walking nearly every day. I am not tempted by sweets so much at all. I am struggling with pizza. Seems every time we make pizza, I cave. I even had our son Aaron make it tonight so I wouldn't have to touch it, but I did touch it after it was done...and touched and touched until I probably ate equivalent to 2 pieces. My tummy never feels good when I do that. So I tried to reverse it with a dinner plate size salad and a 45 minute - 1 hour walk. Huh. Wonder if that worked.

Day 32

Another good day! Not perfect, but very good. Walked again with my friend who makes me walk when I don't want to. Gotta love her!

I find myself craving milk and pasta. Cold cold milk. Also, today I treated 4 of my children to an old fashioned soda at Lynn's Pharmacy while I picked up some supplements. Coke in any flavor you want. I so so badly wanted a nice vanilla coke, fountain style. So badly.

I still do.

Day 31

Very good day yesterday. All the right foods, with the exception of a couple bites of a bagel dang it. Walked 30 minutes and did yoga stretching with my accountability partner.

Feeling kinda down lately. I have pvc's (heart palpitations) and they came to visit about 5 days ago and seem to like it here. It brings me down after awhile.

Please pray they will stop soon.

Day 30

Day 30 was pretty good with a pretty big bad choice included :)

I ate well, greens, smoothies, chicken, water, etc. I walked a hard walk, for me, with my tall friend for about 25 min. and then later in the day I did another 20 minutes. Why did I do that other 20 minutes, because I tried to eat 2 bites of pizza and it turned into 3. Not 3 bites, 3 pieces. STOOOOPIDDD!!! And I felt horrible 30 minutes later. Not.Worth.It.

I am hearing cheers in my head, "Rebound that basketball (stomp,clap,stomp,clap,stomp, clap clap!)"

I got this.

Day 28, 29

I did ok yesterday and today has been ok, too. But today was my day to weigh and I did not lose any weight this week. I think there are 2 reasons. I fudged some - can't really fudge much at all. And I did not walk.

So, NEWSFLASH - must walk. Doing it today, and purpose to every day for the next 7 days. Please Lord give me the lowered insulin that I am asking for and honor my efforts to please you and care for your dwelling place.

Day 26, 27

Yesterday was great and I ate all the good and none of the bad with the exception of 1 Corona. I also walked.

Today has been a nice relaxing day and I'm pretty proud of my eating so far. I'll just break it down for you:
Breakfast: Coffee w/some cream, Fruit Smoothie with Kefir, about 1/2 c.
Lunch: Nuts, bowl of black beans
Snack: 1 cracker, goat cheese and olive relish, nuts
Dinner: Tuna on tortilla (only 25 gi on the torilla), large whole carrot

Bad choices today - 1 chip. Really? Did I need to do that?? Cracker, I really didn't need that either, I could eat the relish and goat cheese with carrots like I did yesterday.

So even though it was only 2 tiny bad choices, the matter is my heart. There is no reason to put those into my mouth. None. The taste is minimal and it only perpetuates a bad lifestyle, however small it seems. I hope to walk tonight after Mike gets home from a remodeling job.

Hard to believe tomorrow is day 28, which is really only day 13 of the GI diet, but day 28 of the commitment to kick the old lifestyle in the patootie.

The kicking continues...

Day 25, day "off"

Yesterday was the celebration of my daughter's 21st birthday. I thought all day about if I was going to let myself have some insulin rising snacks, or if I was going to maintain my lifestyle. I chose to let myself have some unhealthy foods. Not sure that was the best choice in hind sight.

During the day I had my normal green smoothie, etc., and then I was craving cereal so bad,. So I had a bowl. Mistake #1. For the party I made a healthy chicken veggie brown rice soup, which I planned to eat along with some raw veggies. And I did, but I also ate a sloppy joe on a bun, and pink lemonade dessert square, and 2 chips, and half a fuzzy navel cooler.

I decided that was surely enough for me and purposed not to eat anything else the rest of the night unless it was conducive to my new lifestyle.


So I ate the tops of 4 cup cakes.


Yeah.


It's like driving out a demon and then have him and 7 of his friends return!! I really cannot divert or I just run in the wrong direction with head down, arms pumping and cleats digging in! It's like giving a heroin addict just a little bit of heroin during recovery. BAD IDEA.

So here I go, starting day 26, with the attitude that anything I put in my mouth last night was not worth the insulin raise. Except for maybe that one cup cake top.

Day 24, REBOUND!

I kicked it today! I ate nothing but good, and very little of it. I worked like a maniac on the house and school. Took a short nap, and right back at it. I don't think I have felt this good yet in this 24 day lifestyle challenge! Very pumped!

I think I will weigh every Tuesday a.m.

Naked.

After I pee.

Before I drink.

It's how I roll...or how I lose the roll rather.

Day 23, harder

Today was a little harder for me. Not sure why. This morning was fine...
Green smoothie - spinach, strawberries, blueberries, water, and some nuts for a snack. About 1/2 c.
Lunch was 4 bagel bites. That was not my best choice. It was only 28 carbs, which what I am told translates to 28 on the GI index and my goal is to stay under 50. But still.
Snack was fruit smoothie with kefir, made with low gi berries.
Dinner is chicken breast, carrots steamed, and no apple tartlets that I made from a Pampered Chef recipe.

I also ate a bite of someone's pizza crust. I CANNOT, repeat, CANNOT do that. I cannot take bites of bad here and there. That is total lack of self control for me. Please pray that I can just simply abstain. It works much better for me. At least for now. Abstain from the things that I know are not my best choice.

I saw someone in my family drinking a coke from a bottle today. I walked away. All I could think about was how much that would rise my insulin.

Please, Lord, keep me going on the road to health. Let my numbers reflect your healing and your will power. In 5 weeks I will get a blood draw and I want you to get all the glory, please. Hang with me, your weak and flawed daughter!! My intentions are good but, God, I am flesh as well.

Day 22, evening

Today was another good day! Nuts, veggies, salads, pinto beans, green smoothie and water. Plus a 30 minute walk with a great friend. Oh, I did eat 3 pepperonis. There was pizza made tonight and I was pretty proud of 3 pepperonis considering a month ago I would have eaten 3 pieces of pizza.

These are boring blogs to some perhaps, but for me, it is very good!

Looking forward to what God will do tomorrow!

Day 22 - I WEIGHED!

Serious lifestyle change for one week now. I weighed this a.m. I have lost SEVEN POUNDS.

Surely if I am losing, then my insulin is dropping and my triglycerides are scared.

The should be afraid. Very afraid.

Day 21, DQ - take THAT!!

Yesterday, Day 21, was awesome. We had to have a mechanic look over a car we wanted to by in Carmel, IN. The only place to go was DQ while we waited. I was a little concerned. But I ordered a pressed chicken quesidilla and water. The quesadilla (and no, I can't spell that) was broken into quarters. I ate one quarter with the shell, and then scraped off the insides of the others and ate the veggies and chicken only. And honestly, it wasn't hard. I am so, so thankful.

Day 20, on my way!!

Today's foods have been:
Coffee, no sugar or cream
Large Salad with extra veggies and strawberries
Lentil Soup, about a cup
Freeze dried sugar snap peas (33 pea pods have 1 g. of sugar!)
1 c of nuts
Coffee
Large Salad, extra veggies with 1/2 c. taco seasoned ground venison

I did not walk again today dern it. Tomorrow will be equally hard to do, but I may be able to in the evening.

I feel very good today. Probably the best I have felt in months. I am in awe at how I can stand before donuts, breads, crackers and chips and walk on by. It helps to keep my laptop in the kitchen. It keeps my mind on other things while Im working in there.

I really feel like Im on my way to a new lifestyle, thank you LORD!

Day 19, another good day

Breakfast - 1/2 a chicken breast and many carrots

Lunch - 1/2 a chicken breast and many sugar snap peas (I took 2 bites of a salad that had raspberry vinaigrette and then read the dressing bottle and put it down)

Dinner - Great Northern Beans, about a cup or so...and I'm not sure what else I will have. Probably a green smoothie with no banana, just strawberries. Bananas have too high of a glycemic index. 

I did not walk today. I had a Pampered Chef show and was on my feet most of the afternoon, even though that doesn't count.

I have been drinking lots more water! YAY!! And today I had a glass of tea where the hostess assured me it was very lightly sweetened, and it was. 

I am going to look into a local church letting me use their kitchen for a day of mass cooking like my husband suggested. It would be so much easier/quicker in an industrial setting like that.

It was hard tonight as I made pizzas for everyone. I was so tempted to break off a crusty edge and, then probably another crusty edge and so on and so on. But, I did not. I ate my beans and blogged. 

Day 18, BAM AGAIN

I'm tired, so here is a quick report of my good day.

Breakfast - small bowl of egg beaters, scrambled and 4 bites of cantaloupe (medium GI, not the best)
Lunch - Spinach salad, 1/2 c pintos
20 minute walk!
Snack - nuts, 1/4 c. roast beef
Dinner - Caesar chicken salad, no crutons

I am tempted to go into the kitchen and find something salty and crunchy. But I will not.

My husband suggested that I get together with a friend and make meals for like a month or 2 weeks, so that when I am too weak or tempted and do not want to go to the kitchen to cook, a child can just pop the frozen dinner in the oven. I think that is a great idea. I do not know what friend would like to do that, but I bet she's out there.

I have not started the Metformin still. I am still not peaceful about it. I will email Dr. LaSalle and ask her if I keep a good nearly perfect diet and keep exercising could I please see what my levels are in 6 weeks, without meds.

Please pray for God to do what Metformin would have done. DROP THOSE INSULIN LEVELS!!

Thanks for hanging with me, friends.

Day 17, BAM

Today was not as hard as I thought it would be. I did have to call a friend a couple times and talk about my anxieties of my new life styles. It helped.

Today I ate, nuts, 1/2 an apple, 1/2 a can of tuna straight up :), a whole lotta carrot sticks, and then we went out to dinner. I ordered a spinach salad, hold the caramelized pecans, hold the bacon, add some chicken, and change the honey mustard to raspberry vinaigrette. It came with red onions and mushrooms. It was very good! And my drink was carbonated water served over lemon. BAM!

I did not walk today. I purpose to walk tomorrow.

I am nervous about a new medication I am suppose to be taking to lower my insulin level. Dr. LaSalle wants me to take Metformin which will bring my insulin levels down quickly. Then see her in 6 weeks for a check up. If I have kept up on my eating habits and walking and I am beginning to lose weight and my insulin levels are down, I can be weaned off the Metformin. I am nervous about starting it, have I mentioned that I'm nervous about starting it??

http://www.drugs.com/metformin.html

I don't know if I can handle the anxiety of watching out for side effects of LACTIC ACIDOSIS!

Day 16, I made it

It's 9:30 and I did it! Carrots, spinach, chicken breast, carrots and more carrots, and some green beans. And, I'm full.

Tomorrow is just another today with more to look forward to.

That should be a bumper sticker.

Day 16, serious business

I have eaten perfectly for 24 hours. Today has been nuts and fruit because I can't think. I'm about to have a green smoothie. I do not want to make dinner because I do not want to touch the forbidden foods. However, a friend did bring over home made cookies and they sat on my desk right next to me and I didn't even give them the time of day.

Plus, I walked with a friend for 30 minutes in my new shoes. Love.

It's only 3:40, but I think I just might make it through the first day of serious business doing pretty well.

Day 15, the test results

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Today was surely a day of awakening. I have been seeing a wonderful new Dr. in Carmel, IN: Dr. Angela LaSalle. She a non-typical dr. meaning she looks for the REASON you are they way you are and not just treating the way you are with standard meds.

I sat in the chair in front of her as she went through page after page after page of results with me. Everything from  pee to blood to spit, which the spit was not back yet. There was enough to fill up an hour of talking about pee and blood.

Or rather I should say urine. Sorry.

24 hour urine test showed I have hormonal issues LOLOLOLOLOL who knew? Blood shows that my thyroid meds are smack dab right on. SWEET! And other things were wonderful and perfect. And then, or dear God, then, we hit the LIPID PANEL PAGE.

I have always had high cholesterol. It has never been under 200. But over the last few years I have seen my tricglicerides creep up up and upper. And the tris are really high, the good is  low and the bad is high. It's all wack.

There is so much more to say, but I will not bore you. I have Metabolic Syndrome. If you want to know exactly what that is http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/metabolic%20syndrome/DS00522, otherwise just know its something that requries a drastic diet change and increased exercise. Exactly what I was SLOWLY building up to. Now, it's been given a violent shove into over-drive.

I'd post my numbers on here if I had them in front of me. But I can tell you my triglycerides were like 335. OMG. They should be below 150 for sure. They used to be under 100 :(

On a better note, I bought my new shoes today! For half of what I thought I was going to spend! I wanted Sketcher Shape Ups but opted for Sketcher Tone Ups because they weren't so heavy. And they were only 60.00 instead of 120.00 cause the style I like is going out of style so they are clearing them out :)

Tonight we went to my very favorite restraunt of all time: Maggiano's. The best Italian food ever. Guess what I had? Bruchetta for appetizer (bread is not good, but it was very little), Caesar Salad with chicken (picked off the croutons) and a side of steamed broccoli and asparagus with lemon and garlic...and water. It was very good!!

I can do this. I can do all things through Christ. My brother in law had metabolic syndrome when he was in his 40's and didn't do anything about it. In his 50's he nearly died, had quad-by pass, and got serious diabetes. He takes shots, has a pace maker and defib. thingie in his heart and is a very sick man. I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THAT!! I want to see my grandchildren grow and have fun with my husband when we are older!

Lord, please, make me take notice of everything that passes by my lips for the sake of my family.

Oh, and pardon the mis-spellings. I'm too metabolic to run my spell checker.

Day 14, I weighed

I will not be near a scale tomorrow which is the day I said I would weigh. So, I weighed this a.m. - you know, the normal way - AFTER I pee, BEFORE I take a drink, STARK naked and with the scale in EXACTLY the same spot on the floor as last time.

I weigh EXACTLY the same as I did 14 days ago.

So, yeah. Blogging burns very little calories. BUTT, I mean But, it is a new day, a new week, and I am on a life long journey. I am NOT going backwards, I am constantly moving foward. And forward motion is good.

Goals this week are eat greens every day, drink water omg, get shoes and start walking.

Here was my devotional this a.m. I found it quite fitting. Enjoy!

The Verse that Made Me Cringe 7 Mar 2011 Lysa TerKeurst "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV) For years, I cringed every time I read a verse about honoring God with my body and my body being the temple of the Holy Spirit. I wanted to please God.  But did it have to be with my body?  I had set out with great enthusiasm to get healthy so many times but always slipped back into complacency.  I didn't want to try and just be reminded of my failures again. Then I found the most interesting story in the Old Testament about how serious God is about people taking care of the temple entrusted to them.  It stepped on my toes and messed with my heart in the best kind of way. Before the Holy Spirit was given to us and our bodies became the temple, there used to be physical locations for the Spirit of God to dwell.  In Haggai chapter 1 God's people had returned from being in exile in Babylon.  One of the first things they set about doing was to rebuild the temple. They started with great enthusiasm and wonderful intentions but slowly slipped back into complacency and eventually stopped their work on the temple all together.  Other things seemed more urgent, higher priorities, and all together more appealing to work on. Haggai 1:2-8 says: "This is what the LORD Almighty says: "These people say, ‘The time has not yet come for the LORD’s house to be built.’ ” Then the word of the LORD came through the prophet Haggai: “Is it a time for you yourselves to be living in your paneled houses, while this house remains a ruin?” Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.” This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored,” says the LORD." Oh this reminds me just how divided my heart can be when it comes to taking care of my body – God's temple.  Like these Jewish people, I could easily say, "I'm not in a season where it's feasible to take care of my body.  I just can't find the time between the kids, my work responsibilities, running a home, paying the bills, and all the day to day activities." However, if I was really honest, I made time for what I wanted to make time for.  Just the same, the Jews who returned from Babylon obviously had time to do things they really wanted to do as well.  They found the time and energy to put paneling up in their own homes while ignoring the home of the Lord. So, where's the hope? I found it in the challenge the Lord issues in verse 7: "Give careful thought to our ways" and make time to "build the house" so that he may be honored.  Verse 8 says, "Go up into the mountains."  In other words, escape the ruts of my same old patterns by heading onward and upward.  Give careful thought to each decision I make from here. I realized each decision mattered. So, every day I started waking up and lifting up my willingness to head in a new direction to the Lord.  As I took positive steps, the Lord strengthened my heart day by day.  One good decision turned into two, turned into three, and eventually turned into victory.  Like my Pastor says, "You must do what only you can do.  Then God will do what only He can do." Slowly, I rebuilt my temple and learned to honor God with my body.  Me. The girl who used to cringe at the thought of this verse.  Sweet sister, if I can do it, so can you. Dear Lord, I want to honor You in every way.  I want to honor You with my mind – help me release the excuses.  I want to honor You with my heart – help me make taking care of my body more of a priority.  And I want to honor You with my body – help me look at my body as Your temple and make caring for it a priority.  In Jesus' Name, Amen. Related Resources: Click here to listen to a short video of Lysa sharing some encouragement you don't want to miss. If this devotion resonated with you, don't miss Lysa's new book: Made to Crave. Also, you'll want to consider doing the 6 week Bible study using this DVD set:  Made to Crave DVD by Lysa TerKeurst and the accompanying workbook: Made to Crave Participant's Guide. When you purchase resources through Proverbs 31 Ministries, you touch eternity because your purchase supports the many areas of hope-giving ministry we provide at no cost. We wish we could, but we simply can’t compete with prices offered by huge online warehouses. Therefore, we are extremely grateful for each and every purchase you make with us. Thank you!

Day 13

Another normal day with one exception.

I HAVEN'T HAD ONE DRINK OF WATER!!!

Isn't that a cryin' shame?

And I feel parched!! So dumb, so dumb, so dumb.

Got some greens in, didn't walk more than down my stairs and back.

Huh. Blogging isn't doing much except for showing me my weaknesses!!!

Gulp.

Day 12, a victory

Yesterday, day 12, was pretty good eating wise. I went to a party to celebrate the promotion of my husband's co-workers and there was a load of food laid out. Good food, and good drink. But my choices were not my own and had to be made by my Spirit and not my Flesh. I had one wine cooler, and then 3 large cups of ice water. While everyone snarfed, I visited and told stories that made people laugh till they cried. (My favorite part of life) Towards the end of the night I got a small small bowl of 7 layer salad thingie, then one scoop of home made ice cream and the edge of one brownie. Then more water.

Yep, that's a far cry from what I normally would have done.

Then I sat around a table with several women, 2 who have had bi-pass surgery and lost a ton of weight, and talked about my fat fingers and back fat. Lots of laughter, which is good for their soul and mine. I'd rather talk about it and laugh about it while I'm changing instead of hide in a corner of my bedroom and cry myself into a tizzy.

Tizzy. Is that really a word?

Day 11

Day 11 wasn't so bad. I did walk a little, and I painted a bathroom where Mike is working which was the walls and ceiling so that was more stretching and movement than I normally do and I have the stiff neck to prove it.

I did eat pretty well and didn't have any crazy cravings except for a coke which I got while we were painting and I shared it with a thirsty Rebecca.

This coming week, I get my OWN SHOES. I have not had a pair of tennis shoes that are mine for, ever. I have had men's shoes given to Mike which fit me. But to have my own shoes has been a long time.

I bought a pair of Sketcher Shape Ups which I was VERY excited about. My friend had them for sale for 80.00, normally I think around 120.00. She never wore them and they were my size. However, I didn't realize Sketchers run about a half size small and my toes said, NOOOOOOO. I gave them to Kylin whose toes said YESSSSS and she enjoys them.

But next week, ahhhh yes, next week, I will but them, and then I will walk and walk and walk and walk with my ipod playing the soundtrack to Chronicles of Narnia, the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and Blue Man Group, and Susan Ashton, and Rush and whatever else the heck I want because I will own that road.

Yep - I feel a stirring a comin.

Day 10, Laugh with me

I woke up this a.m. with a horrible thought. I know in the lifelong plan of being healthy this should not matter to me, but I'm talking to you this a.m. from my flesh. I woke up thinking, I think I'm gaining weight! Yeah, good morning fear.

My fingers are swollen this a.m. It started last night when I realized I couldn't take my mommy's ring off. I did get it off eventually, unlike my class ring a few years ago when I woke up with swollen fingers and had to get it cut off at the hospital, where it took them 30 minutes because they couldn't fit their cutting thingie under my ring.

So since my fingers are swollen I automatically think the rest of me must be swelling and the scale is going to shock me. So, I don't step on it. And the only reason I do not step on that scale is because I told you that I would do it on day 15, and I keep my word.

I remember when I lost weight back in 2003, I would eat very well and walk, and a few days of that I would step on the scale and say, IT WORKS!! What a shocker. Eat well, exercise, and the extra fat comes off. But the way I felt this a.m. was that if I stepped on the scales and it showed a gain or no change I would say, "Well really? You mean I can make a very small change and not exercise at all and it stays the same or goes up??" WHAT A SHOCKER.

I can tell you one thing. The Lord is my just scale. He measures me not by what I am on the outside, but by my heart. I will not let my failures at weight loss and health determine my worth to God. Nope. Not gonna do it. I love my children when they are failing miserably, and that is only because I am loved like that from my own Father in Heaven.

HOWEVER, what are the chances I am going to be healthier if I do not make a huge effort to do so? Slim to none.

Brian Regan says it best. Laugh with me. .Brian Regan at the Doctor

Day 9..is a magic number

Isn't that what schoolhouse rock  use to say? Well, I feel rather unmagical today. It was a day of water, no salads and no walking.

I get the feeling that I may very well be insane...repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results. 

Yep, that's insanity. STOP the insanity. Isn't that what the blonde chick used to scream at the tv?

Good night, day 9. I didn't enjoy you.

Day ate I mean 8

To the point:
Ate a good breakfast, big salad at lunch with chicken burrito, no sweets which caused a headache and long nap wherein I therefore dreamed of Coke. Dinner was home made chili with cornbread. I ate a bowl of chili, one piece of cornbread and another large salad. And then another piece of cornbread which really wasn't a piece, it was a slab. A big one.

I drank more water today but I did not walk. I'm seeing a pattern. But it's so dern cold still! And that is why I also cannot use my elliptical. Errrhum.

I ran an errand with my son and we went past a McDonald's where the 1.00 Coke asked me if I wanted it and I said no. I came home proud of myself and while standing in the kitchen reminiscing over the whining that had just taken place in my ear by a child, I ate more slabs of cornbread, with butter, but these slabs were broken up so I had several to make sure I got one whole slab. Then I was thirsty so I washed it all down with a glass of milk and a shot of Kahlua.

Yep - there you have it. The butt ugly truth. More salad and water does not make an obedient girl.

Must try harder, but the words of Yoda ring in my ear - Do or do not, there is no "try".