Day 7

I met 2 of my 3 goals today. I drank more water, I ate more veggies but I did not walk. I felt pretty puny today. Rather anxious inside and not wanting to move much. I let the house go except for what the children did which is wonderful, but not really mommy style.

One son made a double batch of brownies with chocolate chips added. I ate a small one, which is a far cry from my OLD LIFESTYLE (not pre-diet, old lifestyle) I was proud of that. But then again, when I am feeling anxious I do not want chocolate or a coke, so that was the blessing of my state of being today. It's not easy to find a blessing when I feel this way!

I will continue with my same goals until I can meet them consistently, and then I will add a new one in.

So for tomorrow, day 8, I purpose to eat a large serving of veggies at 2 meals, drink more (and I mean more than today) water, and walk.

 Please Lord, let me leave my selfish desires in the garbage disposal, or trash can, or on the counter to rot. If I put my selfish, unhealthy desires in my mouth it will not be good for me or for You.

My eventual ultimate goal for life? To trust the Lord for every bite. To give him glory for every bite taken, and every bite left. To have complete peace over eating. Wonder how many blogs I will write before that happens?

Day 6, p.m.

Today was pretty good. I met my goals. I only ate 2 pieces of pizza and I ate a huge veggie salad with it. I did not have dessert and I did drink more water today. I did have graham crackers and milk like a school girl rebel.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Tomorrow's goals? Walk. Drink more water. Keep up with the veggies.

Day 6, a.m.

Good morning day 6. I need to tell you something. I know you are just a day, but you are a day that will involve a lot of pizza. See, at Mosaic, where we worship, it is a celebration of the anniversary of the church. And we always have pizza. But you see, Day 6, I do not mind eating some pizza during your day. I don't mind at all. But I need you to understand something. I cannot eat 4. I cannot even eat 3. I will however, eat 2.

BUT, do not frown on me yet, Day 6. I will also devour a large veggie salad, just like I did last night, and I will drink water, just like I didn't do last night.

So, although you greet me with reminders of my failures, I have one more thing to say to you. You were made by the Lord, Day, and I will rejoice and be glad in you. And His mercies are new in you. And you cannot stop me from doing what I know is right. You're just a day.

And I'm a little frightened that I just wrote a letter to...a day.

Huh.

Day 5, here I go again on my own...

Yeah, that White Snake song is ringing through my head. Not just because its on rock band, but because that's really how I feel about this lifestyle change. Here I go again. But, like I've said before, what's the alternative, quitting forever? That's not really now I roll.

Speaking of rolls, I got 'em. And, I ate 'em. Not really in the form of a roll, but a Fazolli's breadstickImeanthree.

Today for my a.m. meal I had 6 chicken nuggets and a few drinks of coke.
For my mid day meal I hate a large salad with grilled chicken, 3, yes count them, 3 Fazolli's breadsticks, and 1 Coke which I refilledthreetimes. (I thought if I typed it all together it might not look so bad. Not true.)

My goals for the rest of the day are this: Nap. Eat another veggie salad sans the bread sticks. And drink as much water as I can until I go to bed tonight, and then get up and pee 3 times during the night.

Good goals.

Day 4, oh d-d-d-dear, dear!

Must we speak of this day? I think not. But if I do not blog, I will have failed on all aspects of my daily goals, so, I blog. And blogging is calorie free.

Today was the 1 month anniversary of my mommy's death. I woke up crying. Drank 2 cups of coffee while crying. Ate 3 pieces of toast. Got my hair cut, ate a cheeseburger, fries and a coke, and headed to my Dad's with the family to clean out all my mom's clothes, shoes and sewing items. It was also celebration of my Dad's 73rd birthday which included a pitch in dinner. The whole family was there, but mom wasn't, and it was empty even though there was a houseful.

I hate an Italian beef sandwich, some chips and a small dessert. Then I came home to our house, where all my children and I gathered for a rock band/ping pong party, which included, get this, chocolate chip ice cream and chocolate lava cake, Pampered Chef style. SIN IN A BOWL. And I partook (partaked?) of it.

So I go to bed tonight realizing one thing - I have a long way to go. So long that it seems victories are going to be so far apart. I am fearing failure and death from unhealthy lifestyle. So there's only one thing to do...

listen to the voice of truth. It tells me a different story. The voice of truth says, DO NOT BE AFRAID. The voice of truth says, THIS IS FOR MY GLORY!!! So of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of TRUTH.

Jesus, you are the truth. You are the voice inside of me saying, live your life abundantly! I know that doesn't mean that I should eat abundantly, especially when it's ice cream choco-evil-lava.

Day 3, p.m.

Goals today, MET!

Enjoyed an evening green smoothie.
Ate veggies with lunch.
Ate a large salad with dinner.
Walked with a sweet friend for a mile or so.

Tomorrow's goal, to keep up what I did today and add another goal - more water. I used to drink SO MUCH water! I've fallen away from doing that.

I'm thinking that I'll weigh myself at day 15. I have been an obsessive weigher for years. It started when I had my first pregnancy and never ended, until I saw the last number a few days ago. I won't see that number again. That number, which shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, is not healthy.

I don't care what size my jeans are. I don't care what my friends say about me. I care that by the time this year is over, I can say I did my VERY best, not just my 'try', but my very best. Each day. I refuse to regret what I did each day, and I won't beat myself up over failures. I will fail, cause I'm human. But I will change, because God is not done with me. I am His work in progress.

Work me out, Lord. Change me all up.

Day 3, a.m.

I didn't start my day with a green smoothie. I started it with a sweet and salty granola bar. And then I added, just for good measure, 4 mini powdered donuts. I thought about running out to gamble or rob a bank as well, but decided those were dumb decisions. See the irony?

Not only would they be dumb, they would not be good for my health, my family, or my future.

Somehow though, a granola bar and 4 mini donuts isn't so frowned upon by most people. Unless you're Dr. LaSalle, and well, ME.

But, the day is not over, and I will drink my smoothie still, and I will eat veggies at other meals and I will walk out of my driveway. And this is what the Holy Spirit laid on my heart while typing this. Truth...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Day 2, p.m.

I met my goals today. I have a large green smoothie this a.m., ate a salad and chicken for lunch with some tortilla chips, and home made pizza and a salad for dinner. I did have 2 cans of Cafe free Coke, but I didn't say I wouldn't have those so, yeah.

Tomorrow, my goal is to have another green smoothie for the a.m., eat another salad or two, and go on a walk. I'm not setting a distance goal, just a walk somewhere out of my driveway. That sounds pretty easy, but wrapping my brain around the fact that my LIFE needs to be different and not just the next few months makes me a little weird.

So, baby steps, literary, out of my driveway tomorrow.

Day 2, a.m.

I have a love/hate relationship with the scale. I love it when it's under my bathroom sink and I hate it when it's under my feet. For real.

I have been weighing myself for years, probably since my first pregnancy which was a whopping 24 years ago pregnancy (For real??) I watched the scale go up 65 lbs. that year. I was horrified but too excited over the new life to be vain for long. I lost that weight with work over the next couple years. Unlike some of my more fortunate friends, I didn't lose when I was nursing. Oh no, no, no. I held on to that weight like a giant magnet on a junk yard car.

When baby #2 came along 3 years later, I gained a whopping something like 50 lbs. Again, a lot of work and a young metabolism helped me shed the weight, except for 10 or so lbs.

Same thing with #3, except this time I gained as much weight as before but had that extra 10 lbs. and I was more tired and didn't have the time to work as hard on losing the weight. I dropped some, but was 20 lbs. over my comfort zone.

#4 enters the picture and same story different blessing. After he was born I was hanging on to about 30 lbs. When that child was 7 months old I had an illness, pancreatitis and gallbladder problems. I went into shock, nearly lost my life, and came home 11 days later unable to eat much at all. In 30 days I lost 40 lbs. The good news was, I was survived. The other good news was, I was my comfort weight!

Enter baby #5 :) Then #6. Hey look! #7 is a GIRL! Then a miscarriage and another pregnancy with a month of that loss. #8 was born healthy as could be, and I was toting around another 40 lbs. again.

When that baby was just a few months old, I got serious, quit eating like a pig, and started walking every day. I got up to 4 or 5 miles most every day. Who knew eating less and exercising more would work! I'm a genius!

After losing 35 lbs. and keeping that off for 2 years, I became pregnant and lost that baby. Shortly after that I lost another baby, and then was pregnant again. 3 pregnancies in one year, and delivery the next year. Welcome back 35 lbs. (Welcome back?!?)

That was over 3 years ago. I have gained 10 more lbs. with the help of steroids for an adrenal problem, and the beauty of hypo-thyroidism not being treated correctly. I see a new non-traditional doctor now in Carmel, and has me on the road to wellness. In the meantime, I sit with a mid-section that expands and never contracts.

So there you have my history, hope you didn't go through too many kleenexes. Now that we all know my sob story here's the bottom line - I EAT TOO MUCH and I DON'T WALK anymore.

Ahhh. I feel better. I'm going to make my green smoothie now.

Day 1...end

I'd call this a partial success. I ate more veggies, and I ate chicken and veggies for dinner instead of tacos fully loaded. I drank weak tea instead of a giant Coke. But really that's because I didn't have a giant Coke.

I didn't get my green smoothie made. Tomorrow, my goal is to start my day with that smoothie. I feel so much better when I do! And it's yummy to me!

My night time snack has been pecans with coconut and cranberries. I didn't need a snack. I was really quite full. It will take some time to train my brain to think as my stomach needs.

Speaking of thinking and needing, I think I need a Coke.

Tomorrow, I will start with a green smoothie and eat fresh veggies at lunch and dinner.

Baby steps. Baby steps. Baby steps. At least I'm stepping forward no matter how small.

Day 1...at least the first half

Well, the first have of this day has not been an improvement on my lifestyle. I have eaten a sandwich, cookies and coffee.

Pretty sure the 2nd have of the day is gonna RAWK though. Pretty sure.

I plan on having my green smoothie which is 3 or more cups of spinach, water, strawberries and a portion of a frozen banana if I have one.

At dinner, I plan on having the chicken I made last night which was just chicken breast cooked in oil with fresh garlic, pepper, salt, basil, bay leaves and grape tomatoes. Nothing else unless it's fresh veggies.

If I tell you what I'm going to eat, then it will be funnier when you see what I actually did eat. And that's what I'm all about...making you laugh while I fail. :)

I used to be somebody

Welcome to my "other" blog. I will keep this one focused on my road to health. Grab a cup of coffee, or a beer, or a glass of wine, or decaf  diet coke or a shot of jack, or a piece of dark chocolate, or the latest thing that is the RIGHT thing to eat or drink, and join me.

I used to be somebody who like to exercise and eat healthy. Well, now and then I have been like that. And then something makes me change.

I recently went to a wonderful Dr. in Indianapolis, Dr. LaSalle, who is not a traditional doctor. She asked me when the last time was that I felt healthy. I could remember exactly when it was, 2005. I had found a great Dr. in New Albany who discovered my hypothyroidism and adrenal insufficiency along with insulin resistance and chronic fatigue. WHOO HOO!!

My thyroid levels were corrected, I was on adrenal supplements, I was walking 4-5 mi. per day, and eating veggies, chicken, beef, hardly no carbs and very little sweets. I felt great!!

Then she looked at me with convincing eyes and said, "So, why did you stop eating like that?"

I tired to come up with a reason. The room was quiet. My mouth was open. No words were coming out. And finally I said, "I got lazy?"

TRUTH!!

I had 3 pregnancies in 1 year, losing 2 and keeping one to full term. And I got lazy. Really, not other excuse.

Then she went on to tell me in a polite but firm Dr. way that the way I need to eat is not a diet, but a lifestyle.
A forever lifestyle change.

I'm afraid to commit again. I've failed so many times. But by not trying again, here I sit in 30-35 lbs. of a reminder that I'm not trying again.

My goal with this blog is to journal it just for myself, but if anyone else reads it and wants to join me or encourage me or lament with me, you're welcome!

My goal? Eat less. Eat more veggies. That's my goal for this week.

Lord, you know my insides and my outsides. Please change me so that my insides and outsides will be healthier to better serve you!