Day 7

I met 2 of my 3 goals today. I drank more water, I ate more veggies but I did not walk. I felt pretty puny today. Rather anxious inside and not wanting to move much. I let the house go except for what the children did which is wonderful, but not really mommy style.

One son made a double batch of brownies with chocolate chips added. I ate a small one, which is a far cry from my OLD LIFESTYLE (not pre-diet, old lifestyle) I was proud of that. But then again, when I am feeling anxious I do not want chocolate or a coke, so that was the blessing of my state of being today. It's not easy to find a blessing when I feel this way!

I will continue with my same goals until I can meet them consistently, and then I will add a new one in.

So for tomorrow, day 8, I purpose to eat a large serving of veggies at 2 meals, drink more (and I mean more than today) water, and walk.

 Please Lord, let me leave my selfish desires in the garbage disposal, or trash can, or on the counter to rot. If I put my selfish, unhealthy desires in my mouth it will not be good for me or for You.

My eventual ultimate goal for life? To trust the Lord for every bite. To give him glory for every bite taken, and every bite left. To have complete peace over eating. Wonder how many blogs I will write before that happens?

Day 6, p.m.

Today was pretty good. I met my goals. I only ate 2 pieces of pizza and I ate a huge veggie salad with it. I did not have dessert and I did drink more water today. I did have graham crackers and milk like a school girl rebel.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Tomorrow's goals? Walk. Drink more water. Keep up with the veggies.

Day 6, a.m.

Good morning day 6. I need to tell you something. I know you are just a day, but you are a day that will involve a lot of pizza. See, at Mosaic, where we worship, it is a celebration of the anniversary of the church. And we always have pizza. But you see, Day 6, I do not mind eating some pizza during your day. I don't mind at all. But I need you to understand something. I cannot eat 4. I cannot even eat 3. I will however, eat 2.

BUT, do not frown on me yet, Day 6. I will also devour a large veggie salad, just like I did last night, and I will drink water, just like I didn't do last night.

So, although you greet me with reminders of my failures, I have one more thing to say to you. You were made by the Lord, Day, and I will rejoice and be glad in you. And His mercies are new in you. And you cannot stop me from doing what I know is right. You're just a day.

And I'm a little frightened that I just wrote a letter to...a day.

Huh.

Day 5, here I go again on my own...

Yeah, that White Snake song is ringing through my head. Not just because its on rock band, but because that's really how I feel about this lifestyle change. Here I go again. But, like I've said before, what's the alternative, quitting forever? That's not really now I roll.

Speaking of rolls, I got 'em. And, I ate 'em. Not really in the form of a roll, but a Fazolli's breadstickImeanthree.

Today for my a.m. meal I had 6 chicken nuggets and a few drinks of coke.
For my mid day meal I hate a large salad with grilled chicken, 3, yes count them, 3 Fazolli's breadsticks, and 1 Coke which I refilledthreetimes. (I thought if I typed it all together it might not look so bad. Not true.)

My goals for the rest of the day are this: Nap. Eat another veggie salad sans the bread sticks. And drink as much water as I can until I go to bed tonight, and then get up and pee 3 times during the night.

Good goals.

Day 4, oh d-d-d-dear, dear!

Must we speak of this day? I think not. But if I do not blog, I will have failed on all aspects of my daily goals, so, I blog. And blogging is calorie free.

Today was the 1 month anniversary of my mommy's death. I woke up crying. Drank 2 cups of coffee while crying. Ate 3 pieces of toast. Got my hair cut, ate a cheeseburger, fries and a coke, and headed to my Dad's with the family to clean out all my mom's clothes, shoes and sewing items. It was also celebration of my Dad's 73rd birthday which included a pitch in dinner. The whole family was there, but mom wasn't, and it was empty even though there was a houseful.

I hate an Italian beef sandwich, some chips and a small dessert. Then I came home to our house, where all my children and I gathered for a rock band/ping pong party, which included, get this, chocolate chip ice cream and chocolate lava cake, Pampered Chef style. SIN IN A BOWL. And I partook (partaked?) of it.

So I go to bed tonight realizing one thing - I have a long way to go. So long that it seems victories are going to be so far apart. I am fearing failure and death from unhealthy lifestyle. So there's only one thing to do...

listen to the voice of truth. It tells me a different story. The voice of truth says, DO NOT BE AFRAID. The voice of truth says, THIS IS FOR MY GLORY!!! So of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of TRUTH.

Jesus, you are the truth. You are the voice inside of me saying, live your life abundantly! I know that doesn't mean that I should eat abundantly, especially when it's ice cream choco-evil-lava.

Day 3, p.m.

Goals today, MET!

Enjoyed an evening green smoothie.
Ate veggies with lunch.
Ate a large salad with dinner.
Walked with a sweet friend for a mile or so.

Tomorrow's goal, to keep up what I did today and add another goal - more water. I used to drink SO MUCH water! I've fallen away from doing that.

I'm thinking that I'll weigh myself at day 15. I have been an obsessive weigher for years. It started when I had my first pregnancy and never ended, until I saw the last number a few days ago. I won't see that number again. That number, which shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, is not healthy.

I don't care what size my jeans are. I don't care what my friends say about me. I care that by the time this year is over, I can say I did my VERY best, not just my 'try', but my very best. Each day. I refuse to regret what I did each day, and I won't beat myself up over failures. I will fail, cause I'm human. But I will change, because God is not done with me. I am His work in progress.

Work me out, Lord. Change me all up.

Day 3, a.m.

I didn't start my day with a green smoothie. I started it with a sweet and salty granola bar. And then I added, just for good measure, 4 mini powdered donuts. I thought about running out to gamble or rob a bank as well, but decided those were dumb decisions. See the irony?

Not only would they be dumb, they would not be good for my health, my family, or my future.

Somehow though, a granola bar and 4 mini donuts isn't so frowned upon by most people. Unless you're Dr. LaSalle, and well, ME.

But, the day is not over, and I will drink my smoothie still, and I will eat veggies at other meals and I will walk out of my driveway. And this is what the Holy Spirit laid on my heart while typing this. Truth...

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11